It’s interesting the way we humans dwell in the humanness of our conditions. It’s interesting that even as I wake in the morning, I am already driven by my own will. From the instant my eyes open, my agenda is already running in my head. It’s a soundtrack that plays in the dream world and this one as well. Upon the waking realization that certain goals have yet to be attained, I grind my teeth and clench my jaw.
Good morning. The silent protest has begun. Grrrr.
My actions are in compliance with the will of God, but my emotions are not in acceptance of it. I am doing it because I must. It’s like a bridled horse that is moving but not submitted. I’m moving forward, but not in full speed or with ease. I am DRAGGING forward. I don’t run off, but I jump up within the space. That kind of horse is not really an asset because it can’t be trusted to truly mind.
I don’t think I want to be that. In fact, I know that’s not who I want to be. I want to partner with God. I want Him to be able to trust me with this assignment. His hand should not always need to be on the bridle to keep me moving forward. We should be able to walk, peacefully, side by side.
I’m reaching towards that mark. That is where I want to be. I want His direction and my action to be seamless. I want to be able to be trustworthy. I want Him to say go and I start moving. That is my desired end.