I’m Focused, Man

Back in 2011, when I started blogging on Thoughts from the Blue Notebook, I didn’t really do much planning. It was an impulsive attempt to share my writing. It was a last ditch effort to grab hold of the one thing I felt was keeping me sane – writing. It was a point where I felt my life was asking me to give up on my dream.

I once had a boss who would say, “Throw a bunch of stuff at the wall and let’s see what sticks.” This was that. Could I write original creative pieces well, consistently, over time? Would people make the decision and have the desire to read it? Could I actually “be” a writer or would I be destined to remain in the realm of “becoming”?

As personal challenges and transformations occurred in my life, I did not write impulsively because a written word on the internet can never be retrieved. There are these large gaps of stillness on the blog during the beginning of my sober journey, during my divorce, during low spots in my career. As my interests shifted, so did the focus of the blog. In short, it wound up wandering as I did the same.

When does writing become a chore instead of a passion? For me, it was when I shifted from telling you what was in my heart and instead started to tell you the stuff in my mind. You know the big words and bullshit we think people want to hear. The “safe stuff”, the censored stuff, the stuff that won’t make people all judgey and junk.

I tried different media and methods of delivery, different voices, different styles, and different topics over the years. For the most part, though, I was consistently presenting what I thought people wanted to read instead of showing you what I want to write. It’s been me but not me. It’s the professional me, not the personal me. But something feels inauthentic about that and it’s no surprise that both my motivation and inspiration dried up.

So here’s the deal. I am going to just open up and have at it. I reserve the right to tell a story or two, but I think instead I want to have a conversation with you. I want you to read what I write and feel as if we are in my living room having coffee. I will share with you what I know and what I am learning. I will share my joy and my pain. Plain, unfiltered, interesting or uninteresting, divine and defective, both human AND being. We are going to keep it real.

As busy as life forces us to be these days, the least I can do is show up for you when you show up for me. So that is the new focus for my blog. To consistently keep it real about ALL things I encounter in life as a WMD – Writer, Mother, Dreamer.

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